Secrets To The Talk

Do you know what all women with herpes fear most when they are first diagnosed?

They all fear the potential of being rejected and having “the Talk”.

I know exactly how that feels. I can remember wondering why anyone would want to risk getting herpes from me. In fact, if you want me to be really honest with you, at that time in my life if the roles had been reversed, I don’t know if I would have moved forward in a relationship with a potential partner. Now that I am equipped with the facts of decreasing the possibility of transmission to a partner, I can absolutely understand how and why it can be no big deal for potential partners.

FACT: You can decrease your risk of transmission by 50% by not being sexually active during outbreaks.

Where are YOU on this journey?

Recently Diagnosed and Overwhelmed
Living with it and terrified to date
In a new status of “single” and wanting to date again
Dating and not disclosing and feeling inauthentic
In an unhealthy relationship where your partner accepts your having herpes and your fear of future rejections impedes your freedom to move on

Now you might have just found out you have herpes and learning how to give “the Talk” seems like too much information for you right now. Or maybe you don’t think you will ever have the courage to do so and your dreams of intimacy are place on indefinite hold. Maybe you have had herpes for several years and have just ended a long-term relationship and are now dating again. Wherever you are, your journey to having a successful talk starts today and it starts with the concept of radical self-love.

Are You Practicing Radical Self Love?

Have you ever thought about why someone would want to be with you? What do you have going for you? Are you smart, fun, artistic, comical, beautiful, soulful or musical? What makes you YOU? It is SEXY for a woman to know who she is and for her to embody and radiate her gifts. The essence of who you are and the gifts that you bring to a partnership has not changed.

The only thing that has changed is your awareness that you have a skin infection…herpes.
This does not mean anything about WHO you are, it is just something you live with. It is no different than the other virus’s and microorganisms that you live with on a daily basis.

FACT: Cold sores, Chicken Pox, Mononucleosis and Shingles are also part of the herpes family of viruses.

These too are INCURABLE and yet you do not place the same judgment on those who are infected. I know you don’t! Stop thinking so negatively about yourself. You are NOT dirty, shameful, or unattractive.

You are an amazing woman deserving of love!

The stigma of this infection in this country can at times seem brutal, but believe me when I say that your self confidence and self love can overcome any ignorance.

FACT: At least 1 in 4 American women have genital herpes

Herpes truly gives us the opportunity to reflect upon who we are and how we want to be in the world. Loving yourself will allow you to become a vessel for giving and receiving more love in your life. If there is something you don’t like about yourself, allow herpes to fuel the fire to change. If you can learn to love yourself, including your weaknesses and flaws, you will open up to a whole new world of love and compassion.

Vulnerability is our access point to deeper intimacy.

Think about that for a minute. Think about the last time you connected to someone when they were exposing their vulnerability to you. Did it strengthen your connection to them? I bet so.
Wrap your arms around yourself and declare “I Love You”!

You must know that you are deserving of love. Once you do that, then you will become a magnet to the love and intimacy that you so desire.

Believe it and then you will see it!

Will you be fearful of rejection?

Once you know that you are deserving of love, then you are ready to take the next step of visualizing a successful talk. Will you be fearful of rejection? Absolutely, but don’t allow this to immobilize you.

Have the fear, feel it, and move forward with “the Talk.”

You will be shocked to know that most of the women I have worked with have had very successful talks.

Want to radically increase your chances of success?

Going into the talk unprepared can cause you to be a blubbering mess. On the other hand, visualizing a successful talk and setting up the proper environment can really make all the difference. If you’re more confident, then your partner won’t be so shocked. If, on the other hand, you act like you are the victim of a horrific disease, then you might scare off your potential partner. Self-confidence and self-love are like magic when it comes time to give your talk.

One last thing…

You are NOT your herpes!

The number one distinction you need to make before having the talk is that you are not your herpes and that herpes does not define you. If, by chance, your partner chooses not to move forward, they are rejecting the herpes, not YOU. You are NOT your herpes. A rejection to move forward simply indicates that this person is not the right fit for you. Maybe deep down there are other things that don’t quite feel right for this person and herpes is the scapegoat to not take the relationship to the next level.

No longer can you have sex without disclosing, but herpes does not have to be a deal breaker for a healthy and happy sex life. Rejection is just part of dating, but if you learn the Do’s and Don’ts BEFORE your talk, you have a much better chance of taking your relationship to the next level.

In Summary

Practice Radical Self Love
Remember The Gifts You Bring Into A Relationship
Be Open To Receiving The Love You Deserve
Visualize Success
Feel Your Fear And Move Forward Anyway